Short answer : Because this is the relationship between Christ and His bride, and because human marriages are explicitly intended by God to reflect Christ's marriage.
Christ has made an irrevocable commitment to His bride, and His bride is irrevocably promised to Him in marriage. The wedding feast has not yet taken place. The marriage is not yet consummated. Christ waits patiently and eagerly for the day He comes to claim His bride.
Right now, Christ is in Heaven, preparing a place for His bride.
He can return at any time.
He will return.
This is the explicit Scriptural teaching of the relationship between Christ and His bride (the Church). It also exactly fits the Scriptural clues as to the definition of betrothal.
Caveat : Does this mean that any Christian who chooses engagement instead of betrothal is sinning? No. But does it mean that Christians who wish to honour the Lord in this way can do so by way of an irrevocable engagement, also known as a betrothal? Yes.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Saturday, 9 February 2008
Friday, 14 December 2007
So what is betrothal?
Today is the day of the grand celebration of the betrothal of Jonathan Field & Katie Gunn!
Understandably, more and more people are asking me "So what exactly is betrothal?"
My previous attempt to help the serious students answer the question for themselves, failed miserably. One eager student (you know who you are - and I love you all the same :o) ) obviously jumped on Google and looked up other people's definitions of betrothal - which is fascinating stuff - but which completely missed the point that the Bible itself sufficiently defines betrothal.
There is no need to learn about Jewish culture in bygone millenia.
There is no need to worry about cups of wine or grape juice.
There is no need to resort to Google, nor to an encyclopedia - although of course you can find out interesting ancillary information on the topic that way.
But my biggest concern is that if you turn to the ancillary information, you might miss the heart of it - the essential ingredients defined clearly in the Bible, and which are all you need to know.
Katie & I are betrothed. I didn't follow any of the old Jewish customs. There was no cup of wine. Go ahead and do it that way if you want, but understand that Scriptural Betrothal is far simpler than it can seem if you start considering the myriad cultural elements. Much like a wedding. A wedding before God really is a simple thing. The white dress, the bridal party, the flowers - all are fabulous things - and I recommend you have them - but they really don't matter. The essential ingredients of a marriage are few and simple. Likewise with betrothal. And Katie & I had a very simple betrothal.
So what are the essential defining characteristics of betrothal?
Well - time is very short.
So forgive me for making an ultra uber summary.
You really were supposed to look up those verses I gave in the last blog post and ask intelligent questions and figure it out for yourself.
e.g. why on earth does Gabriel when speaking to Joseph, refer to Mary as Joseph's wife, before they were married?
But, back to the rushed summary. Oh - and I expect you to be shocked and horrified by this summary. If you'd gone to the Scriptures and figured it out yourself, you could have directed your shock and horror some other direction. But since I don't have time to graciously reveal the extensive topic to you, and since I want to answer the question, I'm left with having to risk reprisals. Se la vive.
Essential characteristic #1 : Betrothal is AS BINDING AS MARRIAGE. Joseph would have required a divorce to break up with Mary, even though they weren't yet married!
Essential characteristic #2 : Betrothal is AS PROTECTED AS MARRIAGE. Note in the Deuteronomy passage that if a betrothed woman has sex with some other guy, that is deemed adultery, punishable by death.
Essential characteristic #3 : Betrothal is a committed relationship where a guy & a girl are definitely going to marry (DV) but have not yet actually married. Traditionally the fella uses this time to prepare financially to begin their new life living together. And that is a wise (but non-essential) tradition.
Essential characteristic #4 : Betrothal becomes marriage at the point that the relationship is consumated. (Re-read the Deuteronomy passage, and note what is conspicuously absent.)
In short then, we can define betrothal as "an unconsummated marriage" or as "an engagement that is as binding as marriage itself". (The latter is slightly technically inaccurate, but doesn't use the big long word "consummated" that might trip some people up.)
So the first question some of you young impatient hormone-pumping lacking-self-control-which-is-a-fruit-of-the-Spirit people are going to ask me is "if betrothal becomes marriage at the point you have sex, then why don't you just rush out and have sex? After all, you're saying it's morally legit for you to do so." Aha. You got the morally legit point correctly. But you obviously have no comprehension of times and seasons. Read Ecclesiastes. There is a time and a season for everything. And betrothal is a time and a season of enjoying getting to know each other even better, before there is a full physical union.
So Katie & I, in timeless betrothal style, are waiting whilst I "prepare a house", and our marriage will be joyously consummated in due time. We are waiting and will wait for our official wedding day.
So boys and girls, there endeth Betrothal 101. We hope you enjoyed the lesson. :o)
P.S. The verses once again : Matthew 1:18-20 and Deuteronomy 22:22-29.
P.P.S. Note that engagement and betrothal are mutually exclusive. By definition, an engagement can be broken without notice, without warning, and without penalty. In contrast, by definition, a betrothal is as binding as marriage. Thus, whilst Katie & I loosely refer to ourselves at times as "engaged", we are actually technically not engaged, but betrothed, and only betrothed.
P.P.P.S. Consequently, if an engaged couple decide "Oh well - we're engaged - we can have sex any time we want anyway", they actually Scripturally fall not under the liberties of a betrothed couple, but under the penalties of two single people who engage in sexual intercourse outside of wedlock. I cannot state it strongly enough - do not use anything I have said here as an excuse for your impatience or lack of self-control before marriage! You are sinning if you, as an engaged couple, engage in sexual intercourse before the wedding. And let me state it one more time - as a betrothed couple, the moral equation is different, but wisdom still demands respect for timing. God has designed that there is a process - a sequence - that a couple will generally have a period of permanent commitment yet unconsummated. This is a good and glorious thing. Learn to enjoy God's timing, instead of spoiling the picture the Master Artist has designed.
Understandably, more and more people are asking me "So what exactly is betrothal?"
My previous attempt to help the serious students answer the question for themselves, failed miserably. One eager student (you know who you are - and I love you all the same :o) ) obviously jumped on Google and looked up other people's definitions of betrothal - which is fascinating stuff - but which completely missed the point that the Bible itself sufficiently defines betrothal.
There is no need to learn about Jewish culture in bygone millenia.
There is no need to worry about cups of wine or grape juice.
There is no need to resort to Google, nor to an encyclopedia - although of course you can find out interesting ancillary information on the topic that way.
But my biggest concern is that if you turn to the ancillary information, you might miss the heart of it - the essential ingredients defined clearly in the Bible, and which are all you need to know.
Katie & I are betrothed. I didn't follow any of the old Jewish customs. There was no cup of wine. Go ahead and do it that way if you want, but understand that Scriptural Betrothal is far simpler than it can seem if you start considering the myriad cultural elements. Much like a wedding. A wedding before God really is a simple thing. The white dress, the bridal party, the flowers - all are fabulous things - and I recommend you have them - but they really don't matter. The essential ingredients of a marriage are few and simple. Likewise with betrothal. And Katie & I had a very simple betrothal.
So what are the essential defining characteristics of betrothal?
Well - time is very short.
So forgive me for making an ultra uber summary.
You really were supposed to look up those verses I gave in the last blog post and ask intelligent questions and figure it out for yourself.
e.g. why on earth does Gabriel when speaking to Joseph, refer to Mary as Joseph's wife, before they were married?
But, back to the rushed summary. Oh - and I expect you to be shocked and horrified by this summary. If you'd gone to the Scriptures and figured it out yourself, you could have directed your shock and horror some other direction. But since I don't have time to graciously reveal the extensive topic to you, and since I want to answer the question, I'm left with having to risk reprisals. Se la vive.
Essential characteristic #1 : Betrothal is AS BINDING AS MARRIAGE. Joseph would have required a divorce to break up with Mary, even though they weren't yet married!
Essential characteristic #2 : Betrothal is AS PROTECTED AS MARRIAGE. Note in the Deuteronomy passage that if a betrothed woman has sex with some other guy, that is deemed adultery, punishable by death.
Essential characteristic #3 : Betrothal is a committed relationship where a guy & a girl are definitely going to marry (DV) but have not yet actually married. Traditionally the fella uses this time to prepare financially to begin their new life living together. And that is a wise (but non-essential) tradition.
Essential characteristic #4 : Betrothal becomes marriage at the point that the relationship is consumated. (Re-read the Deuteronomy passage, and note what is conspicuously absent.)
In short then, we can define betrothal as "an unconsummated marriage" or as "an engagement that is as binding as marriage itself". (The latter is slightly technically inaccurate, but doesn't use the big long word "consummated" that might trip some people up.)
So the first question some of you young impatient hormone-pumping lacking-self-control-which-is-a-fruit-of-the-Spirit people are going to ask me is "if betrothal becomes marriage at the point you have sex, then why don't you just rush out and have sex? After all, you're saying it's morally legit for you to do so." Aha. You got the morally legit point correctly. But you obviously have no comprehension of times and seasons. Read Ecclesiastes. There is a time and a season for everything. And betrothal is a time and a season of enjoying getting to know each other even better, before there is a full physical union.
So Katie & I, in timeless betrothal style, are waiting whilst I "prepare a house", and our marriage will be joyously consummated in due time. We are waiting and will wait for our official wedding day.
So boys and girls, there endeth Betrothal 101. We hope you enjoyed the lesson. :o)
P.S. The verses once again : Matthew 1:18-20 and Deuteronomy 22:22-29.
P.P.S. Note that engagement and betrothal are mutually exclusive. By definition, an engagement can be broken without notice, without warning, and without penalty. In contrast, by definition, a betrothal is as binding as marriage. Thus, whilst Katie & I loosely refer to ourselves at times as "engaged", we are actually technically not engaged, but betrothed, and only betrothed.
P.P.P.S. Consequently, if an engaged couple decide "Oh well - we're engaged - we can have sex any time we want anyway", they actually Scripturally fall not under the liberties of a betrothed couple, but under the penalties of two single people who engage in sexual intercourse outside of wedlock. I cannot state it strongly enough - do not use anything I have said here as an excuse for your impatience or lack of self-control before marriage! You are sinning if you, as an engaged couple, engage in sexual intercourse before the wedding. And let me state it one more time - as a betrothed couple, the moral equation is different, but wisdom still demands respect for timing. God has designed that there is a process - a sequence - that a couple will generally have a period of permanent commitment yet unconsummated. This is a good and glorious thing. Learn to enjoy God's timing, instead of spoiling the picture the Master Artist has designed.
Tuesday, 30 October 2007
Principles for us to found our marriage on
More general :
1) The ultimate model of marriage is Jesus Christ and His bride, the Church.
2) The Bible is the ultimate guidebook to marriage and all human affairs. It gives general guidelines applicable in all circumstances, and within those guidelines, God's Spirit helps us use our God-given brain to determine the best course of action for the specific situations we face. Thus, for example, the Bible is not a sex manual, but it provides many principles for interpersonal relationships that guide our thinking and help us make decisions in that and every other aspect of marriage and life.
3) Marriage is designed to be good and fulfilling, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually. The intended perfection is no longer fully attainable in this disrupted world, but is largely attainable. Striving for maximal attainance of God's design for marriage is worthwhile as it advertises God's love and beauty and it minimises disruption within the marriage relationship.
4) The many pleasures of married life - as with pleasures generally - are best enjoyed in a purposeful and focussed pursuit of God's pleasure. Human pleasure, when made the end-goal of human endeavour, tends to evaporate. Thus, a human's experience of pleasure is highest when encountered during a higher pursuit. Personal pleasure as one's principal goal is a recipe for frustration and dissatisfaction.
5) Growth and learning are of greater value than comfort.
6) God designed marriage to be the ideal environment in which to create eternal souls. We joyfully embrace His design, gladly accepting from His hand the children He will give. This does not mean that we will never use contraceptive measures, but it does mean that we will not use modern culture as a benchmark for making decisions about family size.
7) We embrace God's design for authority and responsibility within marriage. We recognise that God's design of a "help meet" does not create "his jobs vs her jobs" but rather "his jobs and his helper". His helper is particularly well suited to certain jobs, and in general ("as nature teaches") this represents a good and natural division of labour. But we reject the notion that it is always inherently sinful for a woman to undertake certain tasks within the family or for the maintenance of the home, and likewise with the man.
---
More specific :
1) We are not afraid of human disapproval.
2) We actively and continuously solicit the input of older and wiser couples, older and wiser individuals, and wise men and women whose teaching and training is captured in books, videos, or other media.
3) We experiment and try new things and new ways of doing things, and are not afraid of having other humans label us or our efforts as failures.
We expect that not everything we try will "be successful", but we would rather try ten things and find one of great value and the other nine as total failures, than to try nothing at all.
This applies to every aspect of human endeavour, except only where Scriptural guidelines or other evidence make it clear that experimentation is unwise or inappropriate.
4) That said, we undertake risks with advice, and seek to learn from others' experience rather than repeating their mistakes.
We recognise - particularly where life or health are concerned - that many risks are not worth taking.
5) We are lovers of hospitality. Our home is a ministry centre. It is an appropriately-protected haven of rest. But it is also a place into which we frequently invite others to experience the love and fellowship of Christ.
6) We seek a brilliant marriage. We do not naively think we are the first to do so, nor that we will be the first to succeed. Many brilliant marriages have preceded ours - although relatively speaking they are a small fraction of marriages. We seek to identify and learn from other couples with a brilliant marriage.
7) We honour both sets of parents who have gone before us as imperfect humans to whom God has given much grace, and through whom we have learned much of great value.
We forgive them for their many failings and do not use the bad examples they have set before us as an excuse to disdain God's design for marriage, parenting or family life.
We thank them for their responsiveness to God's dealings, and are glad for the many ways and many times they have modelled Christlike love and Christian discipleship.
---
Now the only question left is : who is the other in "us"? Applications, anyone? :o)
On a more serious note than the preceding line, I am interested in your ideas on other principles worth including. I intend this to be the basis of a "founding document" which I and my Mrs (whenever she shows up) can refer to for the rest of our lives.
(P.S. My time is in extremely high demand at present - and has been for a few months now. Consequently - and I wish it were otherwise - some of my blog posts have to be thrown together extremely hurriedly. This is true of at least the last four or so posts. I trust that you still derive great value from them, despite me not having had opportunity to polish them to perfection. Thankyou! :o) )
1) The ultimate model of marriage is Jesus Christ and His bride, the Church.
2) The Bible is the ultimate guidebook to marriage and all human affairs. It gives general guidelines applicable in all circumstances, and within those guidelines, God's Spirit helps us use our God-given brain to determine the best course of action for the specific situations we face. Thus, for example, the Bible is not a sex manual, but it provides many principles for interpersonal relationships that guide our thinking and help us make decisions in that and every other aspect of marriage and life.
3) Marriage is designed to be good and fulfilling, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually. The intended perfection is no longer fully attainable in this disrupted world, but is largely attainable. Striving for maximal attainance of God's design for marriage is worthwhile as it advertises God's love and beauty and it minimises disruption within the marriage relationship.
4) The many pleasures of married life - as with pleasures generally - are best enjoyed in a purposeful and focussed pursuit of God's pleasure. Human pleasure, when made the end-goal of human endeavour, tends to evaporate. Thus, a human's experience of pleasure is highest when encountered during a higher pursuit. Personal pleasure as one's principal goal is a recipe for frustration and dissatisfaction.
5) Growth and learning are of greater value than comfort.
6) God designed marriage to be the ideal environment in which to create eternal souls. We joyfully embrace His design, gladly accepting from His hand the children He will give. This does not mean that we will never use contraceptive measures, but it does mean that we will not use modern culture as a benchmark for making decisions about family size.
7) We embrace God's design for authority and responsibility within marriage. We recognise that God's design of a "help meet" does not create "his jobs vs her jobs" but rather "his jobs and his helper". His helper is particularly well suited to certain jobs, and in general ("as nature teaches") this represents a good and natural division of labour. But we reject the notion that it is always inherently sinful for a woman to undertake certain tasks within the family or for the maintenance of the home, and likewise with the man.
---
More specific :
1) We are not afraid of human disapproval.
2) We actively and continuously solicit the input of older and wiser couples, older and wiser individuals, and wise men and women whose teaching and training is captured in books, videos, or other media.
3) We experiment and try new things and new ways of doing things, and are not afraid of having other humans label us or our efforts as failures.
We expect that not everything we try will "be successful", but we would rather try ten things and find one of great value and the other nine as total failures, than to try nothing at all.
This applies to every aspect of human endeavour, except only where Scriptural guidelines or other evidence make it clear that experimentation is unwise or inappropriate.
4) That said, we undertake risks with advice, and seek to learn from others' experience rather than repeating their mistakes.
We recognise - particularly where life or health are concerned - that many risks are not worth taking.
5) We are lovers of hospitality. Our home is a ministry centre. It is an appropriately-protected haven of rest. But it is also a place into which we frequently invite others to experience the love and fellowship of Christ.
6) We seek a brilliant marriage. We do not naively think we are the first to do so, nor that we will be the first to succeed. Many brilliant marriages have preceded ours - although relatively speaking they are a small fraction of marriages. We seek to identify and learn from other couples with a brilliant marriage.
7) We honour both sets of parents who have gone before us as imperfect humans to whom God has given much grace, and through whom we have learned much of great value.
We forgive them for their many failings and do not use the bad examples they have set before us as an excuse to disdain God's design for marriage, parenting or family life.
We thank them for their responsiveness to God's dealings, and are glad for the many ways and many times they have modelled Christlike love and Christian discipleship.
---
Now the only question left is : who is the other in "us"? Applications, anyone? :o)
On a more serious note than the preceding line, I am interested in your ideas on other principles worth including. I intend this to be the basis of a "founding document" which I and my Mrs (whenever she shows up) can refer to for the rest of our lives.
(P.S. My time is in extremely high demand at present - and has been for a few months now. Consequently - and I wish it were otherwise - some of my blog posts have to be thrown together extremely hurriedly. This is true of at least the last four or so posts. I trust that you still derive great value from them, despite me not having had opportunity to polish them to perfection. Thankyou! :o) )
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