Discrimination against celery is disallowed

I visited a huge wholesale produce market today. Fascinating place. The biggest in our state.

It's full of forklifts and people busily whizzing here and there.

A wonder to behold.

But dangerous too - so they get you to watch a safety induction video before they let you take to the floor alone.

The video was good, but a few things surprised me.

Under absolutely no circumstances will discrimination be tolerated in the market.

That's what they told me.

Which perplexes me : I thought I would get to choose between different grades of produce.

You know - if I want apples, maybe I chould choose Granny Smith over Fuji, or maybe choose organic over conventional, or maybe look at one set of apples and decide they're not quite as fresh as another.

But apparently, that's not allowed.

You see, identifying differences between two pieces of fruit is discrimination.

We say a wine connoiseur has "discriminating tastes".

And a vegan might too, as regards his fruit & vege.

But nope - not allowed here.

In fact, technically, distinguishing between apples and pears and deciding that you actually want apples, not pears, is another form of discrimination.

Poor pears - feel so dejected.

And one more step of logic if I may - isn't discriminating against my $5 bill when the price is $10 also a form of discrimination?

So it's quite a wonder it's a market at all - you'd think that anyone could come and take anything for any price, what with the absolute rule against all forms of discrimination within the market, but anyway...

I suppose someone will think they're smart and tell me "but what they MEAN, you numbskull [a kindly reference to yours truly] is that discrimination on the basis of gender, belief, or sexual inclination - THAT'S the kind of discrimination that's not allowed. Thickhead!"

Oh, ok. Thanks for filling me in - I didn't realise I was a thickhead until you told me.

So let me get this straight then : if I have a sexual orientation for exhibitiionist fruitiality (sex in public with items of fruit), no-one there will interfere, right? I mean, they're all loving, friendly, non-discriminatory blokes. It's not like I'm forcing my sexual orientation on them - they don't have to participate if they don't want.

Of course there is the issue that I'm into fruitiality, not vegieality, so that's discrimination against vegies - oh, but wait - that's right, discriminating between fruit & vege is ok. Got it.

What's that you said? Sorry? What? Did I hear you right? Hang on a moment, folks, someone's telling me I should probably not try practicing my exhibitionist fruitiality at the market. Why not?

Hang on folks - I'll be right back.

Ok, sorry - I'm being told that practicing my fruitiality in front of non fruitialitists would be discriminating against their sexual preferences. I don't quite understand why, but that's what they tell me, so I'd better play it safe.

So, this "belief" and "gender" bizzo - let me get this straight : if a seller sells something to a woman, he's not allowed to carry the box back to the woman's car, when he doesn't do that for men, 'coz that would be discriminating on the basis gender, right?

So let me get this straight : no discriminating between men and women.

So why do they have separate toilets?

I mean that's a farce if ever I heard one - "no discrimination between the genders" and then they go and force us to use different toilet blocks. Hey, I'm a clean pisser - why should I be forced to use the filthy bloke's block when the femme's is so pristine? Seriously... whoever makes these rules is a loser.

And then that "belief" bizzo. What if I believe this whole load of discrimination against some forms (but not others) of discrimination is a whole load of hogwash?

Y'know, what if I went there and practiced my exhibitionary fruit thingy or used the female loo? I betcha they'd be angry! Hypocrites! Beliefs are sacred, or so they claim, and yet they discriminate against mine.

I dunno... what's the world coming too...