Every now & then I write an article which, years later, still brings a smile to my face. This is one of them... (First published on 100thousandyouth.com, Friday 8th April 2005, 5:25pm EST)
UPDATE Thu 31-May-2007 : Lightly edited to be more suitable for non-Australian readers.
Where are all the men? Yes, where are all the men? That’s what I began asking myself, oh, I suppose ten years ago.
Where are all the men? No, I don’t just mean “any male who's turned eighteen”. A true man would be a “father”, not just a “dad”, and the makings of a man can be seen – equally well the absence of the makings of a man – in any male long before they were ‘of age’.
What is manhood? Are we chasing a pipe-dream, like the long-promised but ill-defined “revivals” that were to have swept our nation a hundred times by now? I wonder where are all the men, but what am I even looking for? Who can tell me?
I once met a young lass born on the same day as myself – same day, and same year. With such a precious piece of history in common we spent a good deal of time getting to know each the other. Not timid was I, and having thought much on the topic, when asked by this maiden who was I and what did I do, I replied that I was, simply, a man. I further informed her that it was my opinion that I had been a man since my thirteenth birthday, and that our society encourages men to put off manhood for a good many years beyond the time they ought to have claimed it for themselves. She was clearly amused. But did that matter? I was not a man because she bestowed manhood upon me. It was mine to keep.
I hear it all around now – “We need real men!” they say, and little (and not so little) groups of males spring up here and there to, well, be men, I suppose, or at least, so they intend.
But does anybody really know what they’re looking for? And have they realised that it, “it”, the realisation of manhood, may come at the cost of many long-cherished and comfortable ways of living? “Aha! That’s the answer! Comfort! Bah comfort! The essence of the masculine spirit is wild adventure! Get muddy! Go bush! Be uncomfortable! Let us glory in pain and sweat and scars, for therein our manhood is found!”
Or are we just noisy boys throwing sand to the wind and thinking overly grandly of our estate? We enjoy our time outside, but is that all there is? Manhood is outdoor-ism?
Who can tell us? Where are all the men? What is a man? Who can tell us?
Only He who invented manhood can tell us with total certainty what it’s all about.
Sure, many are convinced they've found the answer, but most are guessing, and any success they seem to have comes from the fact that manhood is so poorly understood that almost any change to the modern western idea is an improvement!!!
At the end of the day, God makes us a man or a woman. The first man epitomises God’s plan for manhood – work, creativity, communication, companionship and replication.
The only way you can stand there and say “I am a man” with full confidence and due humility, at all times and in all circumstances, is to realise that it is God who has made you a man, not your parents in giving you an 18th birthday party, not society nor legislation.
“If God says I am, then I am.” This must become the fullest confidence of a man’s life, or else he will always wonder, “Am I man enough?”.
What is a man? Work – he has responsibilities and he bears them. He’s not found making excuses. And when the work needs to be done he’s not lounging around. Words like disciplined, focused, and diligent come to mind, although each of these is a study in itself (and we hasten to add that only in a fuller study would it be apparent that we are not advocating here a man who is always driven and can never rest!).
He has responsibilities. Where did he get them? Some by birth. Some by choice. But regardless, he lets the full penalty of failure fall on himself, and of course works to ensure that failure of responsibility does not occur. Without the acceptance of responsibility, a male will forever remain a boy, hiding behind a finger of blame or hidden by overly protective parents or friends. In either case, he misses the opportunity to grow. By attempting to remove the possibility of failure, he also removes the possibility of success, and necessarily lives a most unfulfilling existence.
Creativity. Not all men will be singers, dancers, sculptors, painters, or poets, but latent in most men and present in all is a God-given capacity to invent, to conceive of things never hitherto seen. This does not define manhood but is a reality of manhood. Those who accept before God that they are a man ought equally to realise God has given me a capacity to create. Adam in the garden chose – invented – names for many dozens or hundreds of animals. “Made in the image of God” – this means we can choose (hence responsibility) and that we can create.
Communication. Man was not made to be alone. He was not even made to be alone with his wife, well, not forever at least. Man had daily fellowship with God, but even from the first it was intended that he and his wife have children, and more men and women would fill the globe.
Man was designed to communicate with other men – and not just the transaction of business. Communication is not a mere tool for getting one’s way or winning an argument. Communication is designed to fill the soul with relief and comfort and happiness, for all parties involved! A whole book could be filled further on this topic (and many books have been) but suffice to say, one who recognises himself as a man before God should seek to communicate with God, with his wife, but also with other men, even if for no other reason that God has so designed him.
Companionship. And here I speak of that most intimate – or so it should be – companionship of a man with his wife. Again, not a mark of all men. Many men choose to live their days without this, and are equally blessed with those who claim the pleasures of companionship for themselves. Equally blessed, I say, but not identically blessed. One has one blessing, the other has a different blessing, but both, I say, are equally blessed.
This is not merely a blessing of sexual pleasure – those unfortunate souls who have entered marriage thinking it little more than a sex-fest have been quickly disappointed – but a blessing of knowing and being known, in the context of which a sexual relationship is invigorating and fulfilling. Of course this one major topic of marriage is so vast as to have dozens of sub topics, each of which has filled a multitude of books, so I touch no further on it here.
Replication. Without a doubt, the most satisfying thing a man can do is impart something of lasting value to another in a younger generation. He may physically father a child. He may invest his hours and energies in training future men and women. From the beginning man was designed to reproduce physically, and along with that, to reproduce philosophically in the training of children.
I have seen dozens of aged men in my time, and I cannot think of a case where wealth or fame is their motivating force, but I can think of dozens of men who now seek opportunities to pour their knowledge and experience into the younger generations, and find therein greater pleasure than any other thing they have done in their days.
In Lebanon I stayed with a most remarkable man of God, whom I will now simply call Suheil. He epitomised everything a man should be. He is in his late fifties, or maybe even early sixties now. One day he said to me, “Jonathan, how could the apostle Paul say ‘Imitate me in the same way that I imitate Christ’? Why do so many of us live afraid that others might imitate us? As for me, I want to live a life where I can say, ‘Imitate me, even as I imitate Christ’. I don’t believe I’m there yet, but I believe I’m getting close.”
Wow! That was exciting for me, to find a man willing to step up to the plate, to take responsibility for his own life and commit to following God’s ways so closely! To be honest, I thought he was already a pretty good role-model, but he obviously felt his own weaknesses much more than I had been aware.
Notwithstanding, could you invite others to imitate you, or would you be embarrassed?
Every man should be seeking to find God’s answers, God’s ways of doing things, to learn wisdom, to have a life so worth the living that they can happily say “Imitate me” and “Taste and see that the Lord is good”. Let your life show that devotion to God is possible. And let it show that such devotion is desirable. And you may well be surprised at the ways and opportunities you get to help impart that wisdom and depth of experience to others.
So where are all the men? I began asking many years ago, and frankly, back then, I doubted there were many. I knew I was one. And I knew a few others. But masses of folk walk past, engaged solely in the pursuit of their own pleasures, not taking responsibility for anything much. I’d visit churches and feel that the youth there hadn’t even thought about what it is to be a man of God – they were just having a good time and that was the main thing.
But every now and then God would delight me by introducing one man here, another man there. Often country folk would strike me with their sense of personal responsibility, their openness in communication, their resourcefulness (a form of creativity) and their proactivity (another evidence of a well developed sense of personal responsibility). Young Will was one such fellow. And then I began meeting them in the city too.
The brothers Luke and Andrew strike me as examples to this day. And I began to meet more and mounting volumes more of older folk who epitomise the vital qualities of manhood, and are well into that “giving back” portion of their life where they delight to invest in the up and coming generations. Ken Walker, Peter Daniels, and the list really does go on.
And I began to see that God has many men. Perhaps I wasn’t mature enough in myself to identify them in my younger years. Perhaps things have changed over ten years and there are many more men. Or perhaps I just know a lot more people now than I did then! :o)
But when I ask myself today, “Where are all the men?” my mind jumps from example to example, here and there, young and old, throughout the state and around the globe, and I say to myself, “They’re all around!”.
Postscript: So why don’t we see them more?
If there are a lot of men out there – albeit a small minority, yet still large in absolute numbers – then why don’t we see them more involved in the community, in social action, in Christian journalism, etc? But we do! Not that men can relax now – far from it because many more men are needed! As I myself become more heavily involved in these groups, I am pleased to report that any time I set my hand to a task to further God’s kingdom, I find myself squarely shoulder to shoulder with at least two other equally dedicated men of God, often from widely different backgrounds. Working with me, and me with them!
If you want the pleasure of meeting some awesome men of God, throw yourself into Christian service! No, not necessarily full-time! No, no, I didn’t say become a ‘pastor’! I volunteer one day a week, using my skills to further the work of Wycliffe Bible Translators. I teach Christian Religious Education in public schools. I run a business and get to have significant conversations with clients and employees of clients. Many significant spiritual conversations have come about as a result.
You and I are different parts of the Body – don’t expect that we’ll do the same things or put the same amount of time into it – but do start serving – take the first opportunity that arises and commit to it for a while – and you’ll be surprised as you serve what doors will open. Where are all the men? Why don’t you be one yourself – you’ll soon discover more! :o)
