New political party : The Truly Green Party
A party that stands for ENVIRONMENTAL JUSTICE.
No more rhetoric - just real action on real issues.
- Nature and nature's products
- Blenders
- Climate Change
The Truly Green party.
A no-nonsense platform that faces the hard issues of justice in our time : legal recognition and protection of the inherent rights of nature and nature's products.
(Note : we haven't quite yet actually completed our registration process with the Australian Electoral Commission, but that's just a simple administrative procedure. The legal requirement for registration is a minimum of 50 registered members, and we have full confidence that once the Australian public has heard our campaign platform, we will amply meet that minimum requirement with ten thousand more beside.)
ENVIRONMENTAL JUSTICE - POLICY THE FIRST - PROTECTION OF NATURE
Legal rights can no longer be recognised as belonging to humans only. In the words of the infamous Australian Peter Singer, this is speciesism.
We must, as humans, do what is best for the greatest number of living organisms sharing with us this fragile eco-system called Earth.
Accordingly, it must be noted that bacteria outnumber humans by many millions to one, and each individual bacterium shares equal rights with our speciesistic race.
Therefore, the only proper solution that promotes the greatest benefit for the greatest number of living organisms is to kill all humans, allowing their carcasses to provide the fertile breeding grounds for tens of trillions more bacteria. By this means, the greatest possible number of living organisms will receive the greatest benefit.
Whilst various means are at our disposal to accomplish this aim, we are strictly anti-nuclear. Other weapons of mass destruction are viable considerations.
The uninformed and speciesistic bigots will decry our humane stand for justice as "extremist", but they are the true extremists, promoting beligerence of our species against those which greatly outnumber us.
ENVIRONMENTAL JUSTICE - POLICY THE SECOND - PROTECTION OF NATURE'S PRODUCTS
Within the great scheme of Evolution arose the human mind. Despite it's startling complexity and delusion of self-direction, it's operations are purely deterministic, operating as a magnificent electromechanical machine.
Accordingly, not only the Evolution of the brain, but its operation, is entirely a product of Nature.
And tens of thousands of scientists unanimously agree that the blender is a product of the human brain. Without that ill-named characteristic of the human mind - "inventiveness" (really just a name for such incredibly complex mechanistic processes that we cannot yet fully comprehend) - without this inventiveness characteristic of the human mind, there would be no such thing as a kitchen blender, and since the mind and its operations are but a product of nature, so too is the blender.
And as a product of nature, the blender has inalienable rights.
The Truly Green Party is the only Australian political party which affords Nature's rights with due respect.
Once the Australian public has recognised the justice of our platform and entrusted us with governance of this nation, we will immediately enact laws to protect kitchen blenders from discrimination, harrassment, and abuse. Anyone found overloading their blender will be subject to fines, and those with such reprehensible disregard for nature as to torture their blenders to the point of emitting their blue smoke - that is, the very heart and essence of the blender's soul - will be imprisoned on terms comparable to such violence against fellow humans. That is, of course, until the successful implementation of policy the first.
ENVIRONMENTAL JUSTICE - POLICY THE THIRD - REVERSION OF CLIMATE CHANGE
Climate change - don't just stop it, reverse it!
The Truly Green Party takes climate change seriously.
A panel of tens of thousands of international scientists(*1) unanimously agree that Earth's atmosphere was very different only a few tens of hundreds of million years ago, with sulfuric acid, carbon dioxide, and a great many other gasses filling the air.
Evidencing the unacceptable bigotry of our present political parties, such natural gasses are commonly referred to as "noxious", due only to purported ill effects on the human species. The Truly Green Party will promote educational policies which help correct this bigotted speciesistic view of nature. Private schools will be defunded to prevent the further spread of disinformation, as only our public schools are fit for the propogation of knowledge. Rumours of falling academic standards over recent years and decades is entirely false, or if it is true, it is certain evidence that we must take greater state control of education to ensure no-one ends up believing anything with which the Australian Government disagrees.
We have also determined, through extensive scientific research, that the atmosphere and surface of the earth were once much hotter than at present.
In the interests of preserving Nature and thereby protecting its inalienable rights, we propose the following steps to take place via timed bombs and other mechanisms after the death of the last human (vis policy the first) :
- Simultaneous worldwide lighting of all known carbon sources - oilfields, coalfields, etc - to release gasses into the atmosphere which will restore it to its former glorious state.
- Simultaneous worldwide detonation of all mined uranium (having been pre-enriched and prepared for this use). We are anti-nuclear, but in fact detonating all uranium thusly will help prevent it being misused in the hands of whatever other species might evolve in ten trillion years from now and attempt to use it against future as-yet-unimaginable creatures which will then inhabit the earth. But more importantly, the heat released from these simultaneous nuclear detonations will help return the temperature of the atmosphere to its rightful former levels.
(*1) Actually, just some random dude on the internet, but we don't have any policies against outright lies or misrepresentation of facts, as neither does our nearest namesake political party, except insofar as they don't think they'll get away with it.......
